Lonely Time...

Dear God,

Who can i speak to but to find You..? Who can i tell every unhappiness but to You..? Who can i find but You, Lord, when i'm weak and tired..? Lord, there's many roads and paths that in my life.. yet, You let me choose by myself.. Lord, please guild me and help me to choose the path that You want me to walk.. Lord, i am lost.. i'm totally lost... i don't know where am i know, Lord.. i don't know what should i do.. Lord, i do believe in You.. but it seems like i just alone here... i can't feel You, Lord.. yes, i do know that You are all around the world.. You are the Truth, the Way and the life and i should live by Faith and not by sight.. is it because my spiritual life not strong enough..? or just because i don't have enough faith..? why are the feeling of loneliness, unhappiness, sickness that fall on me..? Lord, have You forsaken me..? have You forgotten about me..? don't You care me anymore..? no matter it is true or not, Lord.. i would like to say thank you.. Amen..

Words to GOD...

Dear God,

It is because i think too much or they really think like that..? i thought most of the family also wish to have all the members be at home.. for those who work outside and study outside, don't they miss them..? or just only they joke about it.? i felt down when they said "why do u come back".. it's totally a curse for me.. is there no place for me at home..? or is it i'm really not important at home..? sometimes i really very envy some of my friends that their parents call them regularly, chat with them, check how they are.. but it seems like totally different in my family.. i seldom get their calls.. even get it, they will only ask if i'm ok, have i pay the bill, have i pay the debt.. is it i really not important in their sight..? i really dun understand.. how tough life that i have here alone all the days... God, although i know that You are with me always.. but i do need someone who cares for me, chat with me, can have respond to me spontaneously.. i felt tired, Lord.. it is very tired to act like i'm nothing.. it is very tired to take care of everything alone.. even i'm in pain, i tell no one... my bone, my legs, my hands, my lungs and my throat... all in pain.. but who can i tell but You, Lord... however, Lord, i thank you for let me be in this kind of situation... i thank you that You granted me such a trial.. i thank you for guiding me through all the circumstances.. i thank you for Your blessing.. i thank you that You have gave me this family.. please bless my family, Lord with all they need.. AMEN...

unfair world......

The world is just unfair.... yes, God never mention about will bring me go through a new prosperous life in world.. however it is just unfair.. the more i think, i more i hate... the more i dun wan to think, the more unfair things just happen to me... what the problems with me..? y should i face such problems like this..? should i just give up..? give up following the road that i walk now..? give up everything and just follow the world road..? how come a prophet can do such things..? God, i really dunno what to do now.. what can i do to face such problems..? do You have any solution to help me..? should i continue to believe in the prophet u sent..? or Your coming is near that fake prophet preach in the name of Yours without Your calling...? can anyone help me..? working and study always the nature of the world... got a person told me that study is always right in the eyes of You Lord.. but how about if the ministry that make me don't have enough time for study..? is it also right..? i know that You will help and supply everything to us including time... however, mentally and physically hurt and stress just make me depressing...  if i continue like this, sure one day later i will leave You Lord... please lead me back Lord... refresh me... i just can't stand over the unfair in the world... i thought there is always righteous and fair in church... but it seems like it not the way i look like... it is too unfair... if like this, it is better for me to leave up every ministry and just become one of the normal congregation than continue to think about the negative things of churches.... just go to church every sunday and listen to Your Words... it is better than facing such unrighteousness and unfair things inside the churches... pastor and reverend always ask congregation that we should use wisdom to care others... don't ever help people just by good heart and being use by others blindly... but the great deceiver is always the pastor and reverend... how come like this..? that u said, u din meant it... what the things u have said, u never work it out..? Bible told us that deed without faith is dead... ever pastor and reverend do the same mistake over and over... i know, pastor and reverend still are human who will make mistake... but shouldn't they understand and know the words of God better than us... but how come they just use us blindly... u think u are the only one who busy..? u are the only who do the work of God...? u always said that there's many harvest in churches but dun have enough worker.. then y dun hire several worker more..? i'm not a machine... i cannot do all the things... i still need to rest... ur working and my working is totally different.. u can rest while i can't..? what a damn theory is that..? u think u is the one who give me my salary..? u always ask others to help u do ur work and u said u are busy than me..? all the bad things, bad name, and bad work u pass to me... and all the glory u take it..? all the work pass to u and u pass it to me to work... after that, never compliment about it and u take all the glory from ur boss..? u treat others just like a slave to master... then how about u treat me...? a dog..? i think is worst than a dog... even a dog got his master caring and treating... how come u can go to enjoy during the working hour while all the job that u should work on that day, just pass to me to do it.? u enjoy ok lar..? me go holiday then like shit lar... can't even go for holiday while u can go relax during working hour.. ur management is terrible and u never wan to make it better and at last, u just know how to complain about our working result...? u never stay before us and think how much burden that we are while u just sit down and relax at home....u never understand about us... u selfish people...

should or shouldn't i stay..?

the question is.... still wondering.... and i now understand y all the highest rank "look" so good that his or her workers "look" as bad people... it used to be that the higher rank person order the lower rank to do all the bad things and let themselves not involve in everything that are bad... i dun think that I'm right... i know i have wrong also... but then..? u think u are the highest rank always right..? the way u act make me feel suck.... u just scare that no one can help right... and that's y u act such a way... if u do it like this, mean u just a coward... just appearance looks good, but inside, nothing.... always talk about the truth... but self making out all the lies... should i stay..? feel very disappointed.... i think i should take every opportunity to go.... what the matter of others opinion.? it is so important that u care about the name then the truth..? even know it is not the truth, but because some people "mouth", u scared..? how can u manage a thing..? and people are just so idiot... and why people so 8..? is there nothing that u need to do and just go to busy others business..? now i know that no one will can be trusted... and no one can be taken into consideration to be ask for help.... they will one push u to death and caver themselves... then let the "friends" to die.... i started to wonder and would like to move out from the entire "building"... it is a wrong place for me..? help people also wrong..? help u to settled your works also wrong..? just only because i didn't do the way u want, then I'm the one who should be blame..? is it too terrible..? have u ever think about my feeling..? even I'm sick, i go and do the things u order me to do... even I'm sick, i din go for doctor just because to finish the work... and that's u called as friend..? do everything must go according to your plan..? do your plan must be the best way to perform every works perfectly..? freedom..? justice..? opinion..? choices...? all also deceive and just outward appearance that lies.... sdk... kk.... the same.... y....? y do i have to face the same problems here..? is it i have to solve it until it won't come to meet me again..? I'm so tired.... would like to jump up.... and stop everything in just a few second...

THiNKiNG...

haiz... i really dun understand what are u thinking about..? u sick ppl have to care for u..? how about if ppl sick..? wanna rest also can't... just wanna postpone the shopping day jeh... fat lan zha..? wtf.... u think u is who oh..? F***