This year birthday........ hmmmm..... how to say it........ well, as normal..... LONELY... makes me feel like just a normal day... well, although it is... somehow, people always like to said birthday is big day to the person who birth on that day... but no matter how the "big day" is, still a normal day to others.. where there is nothing special to them...
HOWEVER, there's a lesson that I learnt... I actually realized that I, myself is at no one list... the list here means to my friends... no matter how hard i try to treat them well, to make them happy, and to build up a good relationship with them... still I'm not be able get into it.... in my philosophy, i always thought that if you others to treat you well, we should be the one who treat them well first.. celebrating with them, enjoying their happy moment, share with happiness and sadness... but, all i get is 0... well, i always ask myself if i have done something wrong to them... or my characteristics are those which people hate.....
Well, in such a word that can describe me is that "I'm a failure"...... I'm really a failure... fail to fade from the SHADOW of LONELY... fail to define happy in my dictionary.... in whatever situations, I used to comfort myself that I'm not lonely.. I still have GOD.... in such way to decrease my loneliness..... Well, at least that what I always tell others... although this is just a comfort language... however, i really too deep in feeling of LONELY....
Am I tough enough that everyone think that I'm good enough to be alone..? Hmmm.. i think so... because I'm just a nobody to everybody... no one will ever remember even though i die, i think... such a sad case... Well, since I'm a transparent to everyone, I think I should be the same and let everything just go according to the flow and being transparent all the time... BEING NO ONE IN SOMEBODY LIST!!!!!
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