Exam coming.....

Exam were coming.... but still dun have mood to study.... how..? need to pass also... but the subject that i take this semester so hard and i dun like it... coz all about history... haiz.... memorize always... me memory not good de la... how to memorize so many historical things wor....

so tired..... i need to find a place to move... and i need a car to replace my legs... at here without a car really hard to manage time well.... every planning also ruin because of some mistake... coz miss calculate the driver.... I really really really NEED a car here.... who can help me.....? WHO......?

Every time after study, need wait at least 30 minutes t0 1 hour... so waste the time.... can't go anywhere also.... coz scare suddenly the car come.... haiz..... Almighty God, when are You will answer my prayer...? until when do i need to learn from this lesson...? what should i learn from this lesson..? patience...? i know recently i not be very patience.... not as last time.... last time i feel that myself can be very patience in most of the things... but recently felt like i easily feel angry... however i let my "lei xing" control my temper... everything also put deep into my heart... din tell anyone... even my pastor, my friends and my family.... all i tell just the good side.... it is just like a "card stacking" which only show the positive side and hide the negative side....

i just like i am not myself... I've walked out from myself.... do i need to act like this..? in this realistic world really can not take off the mask and live..? why everyone must wearing the mask in their lives...? why everyone must calculate how to gain profit from others such a greedy move..? is there nothing can exchange if the profit they gain..? i still believe that God's loves may help all of us.... without His, we are nothing.... without Him, we won't be success....

Eyes drop inside my heart...

I'm so sad to hear that both my brothers are not that good.... and my dad also.... why people must go to "drink" then can feel better from facing problems...? is that only an excuse or actually he is an alcoholic.... from my mummy voice, i know she so tired to put up the whole family at her back.... why can't the guys give a help to carry the burden.... everyone must think that my family quite free coz no need support child to sch as I the only child who still study.... however, the real story is behind.... every family also got their own unspeakable story..... i just can't help even in any circumstances... i felt so sorry to my mum..... how come ppl go to work and my bros go to work but so big diferrent between them..... is there really need to use a lot of money for ppl who work..? if for food is okay... coz everyone also need food... but do there really need to spend it on those "drink" which is harm our health...? or they just wanna find a little while of happiness to fulfill self "loneliness" and show that he "available" in the world...... i also lonely... i also feel empty inside me.... but i didn't go to "drink" until lot of money have fall into the "rubbish bin".... how come others will know how to think as they step into the "world" and be mature and mature... but my bros become idiot...... don't they know how to obey their parents and make their parents live comfortably at the age of old... why can't they just think a little bit mature..... can't they think a little bit that may give some benefit to their parents..... i just feel that all the guys in my family are useless..... just only know how to take money... if dun give, try a way to steal..... how come the "world" of my family become like this...? chinese people said " 1st have family before kingdom"... don't they know that family members are very important... how cruel that they treat my mum like this.... don't they know the difficulties that mum facing... the circumstances that mum standing.... where's their brain.... their mind.... their heart.... do the wolf eat it....? mummy already old, body also weak... still need to work and raise the whole family expenses.... don't they already work and can earn money themselves.... they just a garbage... only know how to take money.... mummy already paid what she need to paid... but bros, is time for us to pay to mummy... and not take..... how come u two dun understand.... only now about the "girls" u have.... is that important than mummy..... God please hear your servant prayer.... I pray to You, my God.....

One week past....

So fast oledy past one week.... i really have a bored week and a sad week.... why said so....? actually I'm waiting saturday coming (10/10/09).... however when that day came, I'm totally depressed... just because I've make a mistake.... I trust a person who i shouldn't trust.... just because of this person, I can't enjoy a celebration.... I've miss a lot of enjoyable moments.... did i so "good" that always being deceived and being use as a fool...? I tired to angry someone... dun make me burn out.... i also dunno what will i do then.... although i know if everything put deep inside my heart will be very dangerous.... however, i just dunno how to release all the stress I'm facing here... last time i still can go to play basketball or keeping myself alone blowing sea wind so make myself silent down.... but here, without a car just like I'm a man without legs.... just feel so hard to live here.... when i get a car surely i will move out.... living in this room/house, make me feel uncomfortable.... because of many things i unlike... and it is out of my religious... i feel like doing everything also being destroy by "these" things..... feel very very uncomfortable..... Although I have faith in God... just feel like is i continue living here, they will try to make me away from the One who I always believe in... just give me a car....... all i need is a car now....

I'm Back.....

Wow.... back to kk continue study le... feel quite a bit lazy.... haiz... this semester need to put more effort to study as I've miss 3 weeks of lecture and 1 quiz... there's a lot of marks.... need to collect mark in final exam which is hard for me.... plus, the subject also i don't like de.... haiz.... history of edu, policy of edu... so hard man......

Please someone help me.... I need a car...... for me to easier to go anywhere as i wan to go.... now just like a beggar begging ppl to fetch me up.... father ah father, please send me a car here for me..... when back to study just like crazy.... doing 2 assignment with 5 and 8 pages.... crazy man.... with font size 10..... drive me crazy to rush the assignment and pass up the next day... only got not more than 20 hours to finish it.... besides, that day was Thursday and need go to praise and worship practicing... thanks God that I'm going to practice as i can draw myself nearer to God... and God help me in my assignment... although i dunno will get higher marks or not.... at least i can finish it in time and got spare time....

so miss the time at sandakan... can play, eat and fully relax at there... just like a free people... no work, no study... hahaha... just like a child.... however, happy time will pass so fast that i need continue study.... hope 3 years may pass faster as i can graduate faster.....