What has happening,,,?

What the hack is going on..? why every time when i back sure got something that i dun wish will happen...? God... i know it is a trial for me and my family... but can have a "discount" for it..? it is quite a pain when i saw my mum that very hard and burden... and it is more painful when i can't do anything to help it... there's something always comes to my mind... "should i come back?" I know i should praise the Lord in the hardest time now... but it is really a hard task to do it... plus, i can't do it fully with my heart.. God, i know You want all of me... can You teach me how..? i really dunno how... it is a great pain when i heard such story for the past several months... plus there's something happen to me also... what are the great trial comes one and another... is there really no resting time..? y must i be the one who face this circumstances..? y should be me..? am i have enough strength and stamina to carry on such a hard burden..? i know i'm not the worst... but i not as good as they think also... everyone got their own problems.. that is y when there is somethings happen, i silent myself... i dun wan other help me... coz i know they can't do anything also to help... O Lord, i really have a hard time now.... listen to my heart as i speak to You... Listen to my crying.... You have promise that You will look after me... please, help me....... it is a really hard time for me..... sometimes i wish i can really faster go to Your side by just a second time... i know i should blame no one but myself... coz i'm useless... i'm useless... i'm damn depressing now.... no one can helping me..... God, You know all about me... Lend me Your hand...